With all my soul-searching, i have answered a lot of my own questions about myself, which amazes me. Knowing it all along, but it did not slap me in the face until i sought it out. The backlash of this soul-searching and personal growth, is the desire. Now i have always had desire, this isn’t a brand new emotion for me, but the desire i now feel is deeper, and more difficult to calm or sustain. So how does one gag the growling sounds of hunger, how does one suppress that sort of appetite, how does one feed it when they are alone and without, it’s like i am stranded in the Desert of Desire.
How do i feed this hunger? The hunger grows, at times i can convince myself that it has calmed and i am able to think straight for a while, than out of nowhere its back with a vengeance and deeper then the previous hunger i had. So, did it subside or did i just used to it? i tend to be my worse enemy, i think way to much. i fear that i maybe this is all just an illusion. The “what ifs” take over. So the “what if” that hit me this weekend was…What if i am not a submissive? NO! i am not saying i am or wish to be the dominate in the relationship…but what if, the reason i have not found someone who wants to own me is because i am truly not what i think i am?
i no longer masturbate to go to sleep, the truth be told i can not orgasm without being told. It frustrates the life out of me, i have never, EVER had a problem with that before. i have tried putting on the nipple clamps, but for some reason its a pain i can not tolerate. Where did the pain slut go? i just don’t know anymore….what has happened to me?
Has my spark faded? The one that lead me to want to please someone. Was it some crazy dream i had? Or, have i finally lost my mind?
Like this:
Be the first to like this post.
This entry was posted on June 28, 2010 at 11:22 and is filed under Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
July 1, 2010 at 00:06
Hello puppet.
seems we are one the same sinking submission boat. For a while submission is all i craved, a string of “doms” left me feeling empty and so uncertain. i went back to my previous situation of using sex for just that ….. Sex. I still have empty orgasms with no satisfaction because they are without permission. I’m not sure what else to say, except maybe your desert of desire is just the drought before the storm of a genuine D/s relationship. A Dom that deserves you.
July 1, 2010 at 16:01
hello,
I understand how you feel, as many others do.
I know for me when I’m not Daddy, I feel an emptiness also.
All of us I think no matter Dom or sub, feel it when the other half
that makes us a large part of who we are, and or need to be is missing.
I keep telling myself that in time the right one will show herself to me, and me to her as well.
I will stay focused, positive, and alert so I don’t miss it when it happens.
Those of us who deserve to be happy will be.
Collar
July 2, 2010 at 18:30
I do understand in my own way puppet. I am a Dom with no sub. It can be a craving that doesnt go away. your words put it into a good context. I believe you will find the one you so richly deserve.
Highland
July 16, 2010 at 23:38
If “a submissive is a terrible thing to waste,” then surely a good girl sans Master/Daddy/Sir/Boyfriend is just plain gruesome.
Your questions make it seem as if you alone is this “no Dom” boat, but I assure you there are far more of you than those in union. It’s just hard to have the desire with no outlet to explore. It must feel as though you’ve got the Golden Tickee but no Wonka Chocolate Factory to visit.
I don’t envy you.
Perhaps my Missy got lucky because before me, she didn’t really have the urges you or other sub-girls have (at least not consciously enough to have great longing for them.). My only advice (as if I’d been asked!)…
Patience and persistence.
I wrote this awhile back and many seem to have found it helpful in searching for a mate. Maybe it’ll help you, maybe not. And yes, it is DAMN HARD to find a Dom who fits your own brand of kink most probably because subs outnumber doms many times over.
Anyway, here’s the link:
http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html
Again, I don’t know you so do forgive if this ain’t yer cuppa.
I just stopped by…
-B