subdrop?
i am in an odd place at the moment, my bruises have faded from the NYC trip, and i miss them, i want them back. The pain was oxygen to my soul, i do not understand my need or want nor the high i get from enduring such for someone. He was brutal, He was calm, He was pleased. my tears stained with mascarra flowed like the wine at dinner, but He caught every one of them, as quickly has He caused them, He in turn made them disappear.
i feared i wasn’t strong enough for His taste, i mean i wanted to please Him to my best ability, but the “what ifs” did find my mind. i am sure He has experienced better pain sluts then i. What if all i could handle wasn’t even an appetizer for Him?
He prepared the most wonderful dinner, He even allowed me to come over early to assist Him in the kitchen. (i was thrilled by this, i was one über happy girl) He made me a drink, and we chatted a bit, then He started giving me small tasks to do. My breasts were still tender from the first time i got to kneel before Him. The tenderness made me smile, i seriously have spent the last year of my life wondering if all i dreamt would taste as sweet as it did in my head. Turns out i was more than wrong. The reality was far more flavorful than i imagined.
After dinner, puppy and W left, i ended up spending the night with Master Chef. i do wish i could tell you all that happened, but it is a big thick fog, i just know it was one of the greatest nights of my life. i was finally me. He had His way with my body, the slapping, the flogging, the clover clamps, the tears that fell, the explosive flooding orgasms i got to experience, and the beautiful marks i got to take with me. i was never scared of Him hurting me. i even expressed to Him once, “i know You would never hurt me” His response, “No, but I will cause you such exquisite pain”….and He did just that.
So, what now? my bruises have faded, and i want them back! So, i am not sure i am experiencing some form of subdrop, one thing about Master Chef, His aftercare is amazing, He doesn’t like anything broken, He broke me down and put me back together, which i felt like i was new and improved afterwards. So, i am at a loss on why i feel so sad to see those bruises fade.
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August 19, 2010 at 15:12
very well written , your words captivate what you experienced.
August 20, 2010 at 07:26
Seems like the intense sessions you have had on your jaunt to NYC will burn memories of true serving and submission for many nights to come. Glad your experiences were positive and moving.
August 21, 2010 at 17:30
I know how you feel. The marks are a lovely reminder of the time you spent with Him. I have felt the same. The marks left made me feel connected to Him. I knew He was delighted by the marks He had made on my flesh. I always felt sad when the bruises and marks eventually faded. A big hug from a fellow sub x x
August 28, 2010 at 12:46
Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience! I tend not to experience subdrop until after the marks have faded, as if that physical reminder helps reassure me that everything IS real and that it is STILL real… Something that helps me, even though you didn’t ask lol, is begging for small tasks to do to help remain connected to Him…
Hoping that you are doing well and having a great week!
Best of luck! Thanks for sharing:)
elana
September 6, 2010 at 20:40
hi puppet!
i finally found you! Thanks to brooke for posting a link to you in her blog! I was very moved to read of your nerves about meeting your friend, and about how your first meeting went (spectacular bruised, m’dear…).
Those bruises help us remember even the parts we think we’ve forgotten. Iremember after my first time, not so long ago, really, and how sad i was that the bruised faded after a week.
it was connection…my body’s reaction to his hands connecting to me, and that carried me through the sub drop period.
and each time is different.. last time i was all weepy and boo hoo. I’m so very happy that you have faced the sadist…and come away, whole, fulfilled, happy.
peace,
nilla