Archive for May, 2010

Swirling Thoughts….

Posted in Uncategorized on May 31, 2010 by fukpuppet

**first off ….my apologies for not writing from fantasy land in quite some time but i do hope this post helps to feed the hunger,  if that hunger is what brought you back  to the puppet Show….**

His requests were simple, “All you have to do is please Me”….”Which is it not that thing that truly turns you on? Correct? Is it not, what you live for? The simplicity of pleasing Me? Which in a twisted way you receive oxygen that keeps you vital. I greatly desire to give you life, give you the validation that you desperately seek. So again, I will reiterate, all you have to do is please Me.” His words flowed, He didn’t stop to think about the next word, His tongue was silver, His words pure silk to my ears. As i listened in awe, He told me to check my email in the morning, then He ended our phone conversation.

What a mindfuck, i don’t handle those well at all, you expect me to sleep after knowing i will have an email waiting…pure evil. 🙂

i suffered through the tricks my mind played, and somehow found sleep regardless. i woke and jumped out of bed to check my email, reading His words forced my mindfuck setting from subtle to FFB(full fucking blast). His words literally in black and white….

“Tonight at 6:30pm you are to be at My hotel room, you will knock on the door then you will don a blindfold, as much as My opening the door to find you kneeling in the hallway is a great thought, I am okay with opening the door to find you standing. you will be wearing a button up blouse, bra of your choice, short skirt and heels (will not require a heel length this time but I am sure you will want to please me when you pick out the pair to wear) as you can see I have chosen to give you options, you have choices as to what color palette you wish to wear, the only thing you do not have a say about today is the blindfold… oh and yes little one i am well aware how scary meeting each other the first time will be. The blindfold will help with this, even if at the moment you think it will not. I will see you at 6:30 pm.”

my mind screamed OMG!OMG!OMG!OMFG!!!! the rest is a blur…..

So i look down at myself in the elevator….hmmm white button up blouse, black bra, short black skirt and some 2″  black heels and a black blindfold rolled up in my palm. my mind was racing like mad, what was i doing here? Am i seriously do this? Have i lost my ever loving mind? Why is my cunt a slippery hot mess right now? The *ding* of the elevator door opening made me look up, the ride was faster then i thought it was going to be, so with wobbling knees i stepped off the elevator and slowly walked thru the corridor and found His room. i stood there for a moment, how hard should i knock? What? i took a deep breath and tried to block all the mindfucking i was causing on my own, and knocked twice…i placed the blindfold on my head as instructed. How long will i have to stand here and wait? i was a bit dizzy, i was way out of my comfort zone, then i hear the turn of the knob, His voice found my ears….heaven, it was a calm before the storm…

His hand found mine, He pulled me in to His embrace, His words quietly spoken but captured me with intensity “Do you know how pleased I am? I knew you would please Me” i thanked Him, my voice was broken from nervousness, after the embrace He led me into the room and i heard the door close behind me. i wanted to take the blindfold off, i wanted to look into His eyes, i could feel them on me, i just wanted a peek…

He sat on the corner of the bed, asked me to stand with my legs apart, His hands found my legs, His hand were soft and warm, the further he moved them up my thigh the more difficult is was to just simply breathe. He gently touched my cunt, which was hot and slick, my residue now on His palm. i blushed at the thought of being so wet in such a short amount of time, while i blushed He pulled my skirt up over my hips, exposing me now. my first intent was to cover my self, as i quickly placed my hands down in front, i heard Him stand and began to remove His belt, the jingle sound His buckle made as it was undone. i returned my hands to my side, He said “It is too late for that” He placed His hand on the small of my back and lead me to the wall, He told me to place my hands against the wall palms down, arch my back and keep my feet apart. i wanted to cry before His belt ever made contact, i was so angry at myself, i wasn’t there five minutes and already screwed up.

Seven swats later, my ass was as crimsom and as warm as my face. After a lecture and my apology He left me there, exposed and glowing red. He began asking me questions, questions that made it uncomfortable to talk about…like the weather….what was the last book i read…the next book i want to read etc…He asked if i found His questions silly, with fear i said “sort of Sir” He then asked if His questions were more silly then my trying to cover up something that belongs to Him….ummmm yea point taken (but hello i am in a blindfold)….

i could feel Him walk up behind me, He rubbed the red areas on my ass, it was gentle, but i was beginning to brew, it is hard letting go at first i think, your mind is racing, but you don’t care to listen to it. you soul leads you on past the what ifs…i began to sway some with His rythmic hands, He slid His hand back down finding my now dripping cunt, His finger circling my attention starved clit, the moans trickled up my throat, His mouth was kissing my neck, the words that slithered off His tongue in to my ears were erotic and in moments i was begging to cum….

The words “cum for Me, My little slut” was all it took, He pressed me up against the wall, as the orgasm took over, i gushed down both legs right in to the heels i was wearing….He held me there tightly for several moments, all the while talking about how He was pleased. He pulled my skirt down and fixed my blouse, He led me to the door and opened it….kissed me softly on the lips and ordered me to meet Him in the resturant down stairs, and said that after dinner we would return here for dessert. He turned me around, and said ” I will see you in 15 minutes, you may remove the blindfold now” as i removed the blindfold and turned around….the door closed shut….

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Need…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 by fukpuppet

i need the mind fuck….

i need the clusterfuck to belong to someone other than me…

i need to feel…

i need the soft warmth of his lips on my cheek…

i need the direction in my gait that He provides while resting His hand on the small of my back as we walk…

i need to feel His wrath….

i need to please Him…

i need the pain…

i need the pain that feeds my soul…

i need the pain that brings Him to life…

i need His voice in my ears…

i need His tongue encased in the word slut…

i need to hear the word slut slithering off His tongue…

i need to feed Him…

i need to feed His sadistic desires…

i need to hear the grunt He expels when He releases…

i need to be good…

i need to be a good girl…

i need to please Him…

i need Him…

i need to know my place…

i need to serve…

i need to kneel…

i need to become who i already am, but am nothing without Him…

i need His needs to replace mine…

i need to feel validated…

i need structure…

i need discipline…

i need punishment…

i need to fill this void…

i need to be free…

i need Him…

Finding Nympho…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 17, 2010 by fukpuppet

Silly, i thought submitting to myself several months ago was the biggest feat i would have to endure, it was a silly thought! Apparently there’s more than one way to be submissive, to be a slave, to be whatever it is you are, there is still a lot i do not know about this lifestyle, but i do know that pleasing someone makes me happy. Oddly enough i want to come into my own before being happy, but dammit i want to be happy, while that happens.

It’s been said “There are plenty of fish in the sea”, well how do i know which sea to swim in? The Married Sea, will not work for me, for some reason i feel guilt in a lot of which i do, they way i think etc…so i really do not need any added guilt. i try to make everyone happy, i try to keep the peace, i try to respect people, whether or not i trust them. For me trust comes in very small doses. i do know fishing in the Married Sea is not my cup of tea. i am however, not saying if your married you shouldn’t fulfill your desires, because everyone must do what makes them happy! i am only saying that i am single and want someone who is single as well.

So, how do i do this? How can i find some happiness without pleasing someone? How can i have bliss if i am not doing for someone else. How can i release my guilt without discipline? How do i get off now? i mean hello i am a perverse individual. How can i get a release from all the cluster fucking my head does? Sure, i can keep writing about them, but apparently even in the way i write doesn’t prove or disprove my being a slave at heart. To one it is…to another it isn’t, i am totally fucking frustrated. Granted rarely two people think totally alike, i appreciate the feedback on who you think i am, i do wish to continue to learn, and i hope that is always the case. But as of recent, i feel like i am a joke or viewed that way. That my dear readers is the last thing i want to become.

So seriously, how hard is it to find someone who wants to mold you into the person you so desperately wish to become? Someone who has personality and a sense of humor, but at the same time doesn’t have a slave currently or a wife?? OH LET ME TELL YOU….IT IS SERIOUSLY HARD!

i am smart enough to know that “Here Fishy Fishy” is no way to Master bait….and i am not saying i am not meeting other fish….but they are NOT  Gold Fish…they are more like gold-fish cheese flavored snacks…

 **disclaimer: i know the last few weeks have been me whining about being unowned and tired of bullshit…i promise i will be back to my perverted fantasy writing self soon, my apologies**

Yelling UNCLE…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 10, 2010 by fukpuppet

i have had an emotional week. Hell to be totally honest an emotional year. i haven’t been out of my subbi-closet long enough to know the difference between  “come here” and  “sic em!” (but i do have enough sense to know that a pat on the head or a simple good girl gets me warm and fuzzy on the inside). i  sometimes think my being so  niave and my overwhelming desire to able to be allowed the priveledge to actually please someone has only  blinded my eyes to the total picture of this life or lifestyle or what ever it is or isn’t the world. i wrote about submitting to myself once before, it was of my first posts, if you want to see my thoughts in the very beginning you can find that twisted mess here. It is no surprise i have changed since writing that, but my feelings and desires have not strayed. Granted they have been hurt during this process of figuring me out.

i am often unsure of myself, i tend to believe others before i believe my feelings. i see it as a great weakness. i fear the person i will end up with at this rate will surely be a horrible match. i do feel i have intelligence, but at this moment in my life the ignorance is far greater. Passions for Submissions is a chat room i frequently hang out in, there is a good mix of experienced, wise, inexperienced, ignorant, discussing sometimes cussing this common ground we all stand or kneel on, but viewing others as uncommon. Why? Well we are all very different, yet so much alike, there is a good mix of vanilla men in there i have found. Some vanilla men are kinky, but they tend to hang out and seek the less experienced or knowledgable one and get some great verbal porn (loved the term verbal porn when i heard it lastnight) during a private chat. There is a good mix of players, haters, sadists, masochists, Doms, Dommes, Masters,Tops, bottoms, switches (does the switch get a capitol S or an itty bitty one? Do you only have to respect their first letter sometimes?) subs, slaves, etc…There is a number of regulars, the regulars tend to discuss the topic or suggest a new topic, it is a great tool for learning. The regulars there now are fun, witty, insightful, some are hilarious, some need to grow a sense of humor in a real bad way, but the point to my ramble is that, they are all teachers for me. Some i would love to know in real life and have a real life face to face converstaion.  But now i am drifting away from my reason for this post…so let me go back to that….(by the way i love the chat room, and have learned a great deal from many people).

i have been blessed with getting to know some Doms from CollarMe and from my blog. i respect them and  their opinions greatly. i tend to flood them with silly questions, but they are usually more than willing to help me and guide me. i need to feel purpose and i need to feel validated, and i also need to please someone. i call a few of them my Uncle Doms, for various reasons, older, wiser, experienced, they know the good, bad, and ugly aspect of this life. Uncle Dom is fitting, you know as a child when you were being tortured or tickled, you safe word was Uncle, and the ones doing the torture or tickling would stop(in most cases lol)? So when i tend to need to yell UNCLE!, i have a few that show me mercy, they help me bounce my endless questions of whys and hows and what ifs off of them. It is very fulfilling to that know someone will protect you, even if it is from yourself.

So, i have decided the hunt for the Great One to own me and train me is no longer the case, i am yelling UNCLE on that one. i have alot of maturing to do before i can even attempt such task. Although i need structure and purpose and to please, but i will just have those needs…i am not going to actively persue them. People lie, even when they do not need to, i still 90% of the time believe what someone is speaking is the truth. The ugly truth slaps me in the face once the lie is noticed. i can NOT keep doing this to me. So i will try to wait patiently for some mercy, instead of hurrying for the feeling of being Owned. i do know i should probably own me first, otherwise i will not have a clue as to what to tell the realitor to show the perspective Owners first. Silly? Possibly.

ED(D)ItEd 4 PleaSu(I)Re”S”….

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5, 2010 by fukpuppet

 

AfTer posting a story i had written for Him, He emAiled me with the News that the story i posted was full of errors. Corrective measures would be taKen to fix such mess. After corresponding of the items i would need to have laid out before me, we began our lesson.

  

He sent an email saYing”Call ME nOw!”, i called and was a little bit pissed bUt i am not sure why, maybe it’s because we had gone so long without talking. i felt happiness too, it was weird, i can not put My finger on whAt emotional state i was actually in. He began with telling me to don the nipple clamps, with the chain going thRough the key ring of my car keys(um ouchie).  The first nibble of pain, was pure pleasure, but it only takes a small amount of time to pass before your nipples scream at you to remove the damn clamps and weight. He ordered me to stand and apply lubricant to my anxious asshole, and insert the plug, he said it shouldn’t take me long since i did not own one of proper size, “As little as that  thing is this should be no trouble at all, and shouldn’t take up any of our time with insertion”. i informed Him it was in, He ordered me to spread my cheeks open as i sat on the folded towel that i was ordered to place in the chair prior to the phone call. The keys dangled as i obeyed His request. He stated “It is 1:04 your time correct?” “yes Sir” (which was mumbled and mouse like…and something He does NOT tolerate) “Again, is it 1:04 by your clock? you will answer Me loudly and clearly!”. Somehow i mustered up enough voice to answer, He went on to say that for every error that was found, i would make a slash or a number, after some discussion He agreed that slashes would be more stimulating for me to count after the lesson.

He required Me to reAd my STory to Him, a story, that  if like mE, He had Read more than once, i had written this story for Him some weeks ago, and found my self reading it over and over in His absence. but i digress.
The first paragraph contained seven errors, seven slashes with one ? mark above one, He said He may let one slide, besides He is “very reasonable”. Several minutes had passed, and yet we were still on the first paragraph….actually it was just the first sentence, which apparently is a big issue in my writing, i tend to have a sentence that runs on forever…oh and i also dot dot a lot… So this being the first paragraph, it was surely to be a long night…(<~ see dot dot dot…..they are everywhere)

The seCond paragrapH, Eight slashes, eight writing sins, my mind was now lost, but oddly enough, part of my absent mind stayed behind and became Furious, i seriously began to think  i should not write anymore. If everyone had this opinion of my writing, then i will no longer do it, i felt it was bullshit, i felt it was uncalled for, i felt like this story was the  one thing i was most proud of when it came to my writing, this was a gift that i had sent to Him, all that time ago, was no longer  a gift of pleasure, but now merely a  token of my ignorance. The pride i felt for this piece was being stripped away with every slash mark. No wonder He went weeks without speaking to me, He thinks i am a total idiot. While ranting in my brain, i listened to His lecture, i did a very poor job of taking down notes, but i could still make a slash, i was very capable of drawing a small line to prove my stupidity. i answered “yes Sir” when He explained my error. Once He said “you need to speak to Me politely, understood?” fuck! my anger was showing “yes Sir”…i used the word ‘to’ instead of ‘too’ He spent several minutes on this mistake, i sat there pulling on the weighted down chain that was attached to the tender flesh of  my nipples while the differences of the words were explained to me…
The lesson continued, my order of note taking was out of sequence, there was small beads of sweat collecting above my brow, it was a mixture of nerves, arousal and the humidity of the storm brewing outside my window. The storm was no greater than the monsoon now deep in my cunt. He did  allow me to rest through out the story, at times He would take over reading the erotic words, other times He would have me describe the sensation of my nipples, or the want in my now starving cunt,or the fullness in my poetic passage (He referred to my anal canal as a poetic passage, which i thought was beautiful). At one error, He informed me of a misspelling, i did run spell check on my work, so i said “Sir i believe that is spelled correctly” “Then look it up and tell me it is spelled correctly, and if it is, i will allow you to take away one slash” i looked it up to be sure, and it was the correct spelling. At that moment i found my second wind, it was just enough validation to allow my aching, burning, and tortured nipples to keep going. my cunt was now dripping, it needed to be fed, but i sat there soaking in His knowledge, while soaking a neatly folded towel with cunt juice.

 

After the reading and ended and the tally marks counted, 42 slashes! my mind wondered what that meant, or if it even meant anything.
i imagined receiving a print out with His red markings all over it, and side notes in His writing…and how ironic that a story about a package, would earn me a package, that folded neatly inside, was  my story written for Him and now edited by Him…
He interrupted my thoughts by asking me “When is the last time you had an orgasm?” it never dawned on me to lie, i was happy to have endured this lesson, the pain that my screaming nipples felt didn’t come close to the amount of excitement i had just hearing His voice again. “This morning Sir” “Oh! Well that wasn’t all that long ago, it is getting late and I am sure you are too tired to want to do that again?” “No Sir, i am not too tired i would enjoy cumming for You, for Your pleasure Sir “. “Yes well you are a slut, so I will allow you to masturbate for Me” “Thank you Sir, may i please remove the nipple clamps, they are hurting so bad, i fear i can not take much more Sir”…”Aha, well then I suggest you get to the masturbating then. The clamps will remain on until you have cum” i whimpered and very slowly stood, and inched my way from the computer chair to the bed, damn me for getting such a high bed, the keys dangling from the chain of my nipple clamps brushed against the sheets and the pillows. my painful whimpers were now filled with pleasure, my cunt was slick, the juices had been brewing there for an hour. i began to rub my clit, explaining to Him how i was pleasuring myself. He offered to remain quiet while i concentrated on cumming, i begged Him to feed my hunger for His voice, and He did just that.
The way the word slut slithered off of His tongue made me moan loud, then He unleashed the word whore into my head, my breathing was running away from me, i tried to get hold of it, but i was on the verge of hyperventilating. i was panting “i am trying to breathe Sir” short quick breaths wrapped around each  syllable spoken. “That plug resting in your ass, is nestled there all nicely, but if it were Me, I would be shoving my cock deeper just to hear you beg me to stop. Can you hear yourself trying to say ‘Oh Master i can not take anymore’ I can hear you say it, because the words will be unable to leave your tongue, the tongue that will clean off My cock when I am done pumping your ass full of Me”
my moans, ran rapidly out of my throat, He stated He knew i was close, but i had to beg Him to cum. i attempted to put words together, please Sir was mostly said but not very coherently. He teased that i must not be wanting to cum for Him, that perhaps the orgasm i had earlier in the day was al i could handle, i was moaning and whimpering, i wanted the orgasm that was right there, an orgasm that was  begging me to rub my clit a little harder and it would surface, i fought the urge to do just that. “STOP” He ordered me. (STOP!!! seriously are you kidding me?)
i held my breath and grabbed the sheet that was tangled next to me, He allowed me to resume, i begged to cum for His pleasure. Once He allowed it, i squirted juices all over the towel i brought with me from the chair. i thanked Him  for the lesson and the privilege to orgasm for Him, and His pleasure.
The dreadful pain shooting into my nipples was becoming too much to bear. i asked if i could take them off, since i orgasmed. He ordered me to pull on the chain, then ordered to shake the chain so the keys rattled for Him. Tears began to fill my eyes, as i begged Him of its removal. He stated, “It is 2:24, I think they can be removed at 2:25, do you agree?” i was now crying, not uncontrollably but i wasn’t able to dam the tears. i laid there trying to hide the fact i was crying, the pain had taken over me, tears were falling because i missed Him, and was confused as to why He stopped or began speaking to me again. He interrupted my thoughts by asking the time. Fuck i dropped my phone, i told Him of my misfortune and He assured me that He was content with waiting until i got up and found my phone to report the time back to Him. i cried out when raising from the bed, and cried out more when i bent down to pick up the phone from the floor. “Sir, it is 2:26” He words were wrapped in pleasure as they found my ears “Well, if you wanted to leave them on longer then the agreed time, all you had to do was ask” my tears now flowing  down my cheeks, just as the juice from my cunt as i hungered for Him. my tears were now  falling onto the bed, marking the sheet of their existence. He ordered me to remove the right one, my hands shakily attempted to remove them without pain, but we all know after a certain amount of time, it’s the sharpest flesh ripping pain there is. i yelped and cried, He appeared unwithered by my pain, “The left one, and you took entirely too long with the removal of the right one” “yes Sir’ as i removed it and lunged forward, with my face buried in a pillow, and the exhausted air trickled from my lungs. my sobs were more noticeable, i climbed back up on the bed and massaged my nipples as He encouraged me to cry, to get it all out, He spoke of my sobs, music to His ears, how satisfying it was. “A wet tear soaked face is as arousing to Me as your sloppy starving cunt”  i cried for several minutes and as  He told me how beautiful my sobs were. i confessed my anger and thinking i would not write again during the lesson. He told me that my writing was raw, it was powerful, and to most reading it, it was perfect, but went on to say that every writer has an editor, and the editor just polishes the story, and He was very proud of my story, as He is all my stories, He just wants it to be perfect, i told Him that i write the way i write, and i use dot dot dot….all the time, and i don’t want to have to change the way i tell the story, because if it’s changed i will not feel like it is mine, and i will not have as much passion for it  and  that i truly just write the fantasies that fill my head. He promised that wouldn’t happen.

 

 i believe Him.

 

…the total slashes….42 hmmmm is that going to mean something as far as punishment goes, or is it just a goal to beat with the next “S”tory…