Archive for June, 2010

Desert of Desire…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 28, 2010 by fukpuppet

With all my soul-searching, i have answered a lot of my own questions about myself, which amazes me. Knowing it all along, but it did not slap me in the face until i sought it out. The backlash of this soul-searching and personal growth, is the desire. Now i have always had desire, this isn’t a brand new emotion for me, but the  desire i now feel is deeper, and more difficult to calm or sustain. So how does one gag the growling sounds of  hunger, how does one suppress that sort of appetite, how does one feed it when they are alone and without, it’s like i am stranded in the Desert of Desire.

How do i feed this hunger? The hunger grows, at times i can convince myself that it has calmed and i am able to think straight for a while, than out of nowhere its back with a vengeance and deeper then the previous hunger i had. So, did it subside or did i just used to it? i tend to be my worse enemy, i think way to much. i fear that i maybe this is all just an illusion. The “what ifs” take over. So the “what if” that hit me this weekend was…What if i am not a submissive? NO! i am not saying i am or wish to be the dominate in the relationship…but what if, the reason i have not found someone who wants to own me is because i am truly not what i think i am?

i no longer masturbate to go to sleep, the truth be told i can not orgasm without being told. It frustrates the life out of me, i have never, EVER had a problem with that before. i have tried putting on the nipple clamps, but for some reason its a pain i can not tolerate. Where did the pain slut go? i just don’t know anymore….what has happened to me?

Has my spark faded? The one that lead me to want to please someone. Was it some crazy dream i had? Or, have i finally lost my mind?

Song of Submission…?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2010 by fukpuppet

**this  song has been covered by several people, i like Kelly Clarkson’s cover of it the best. i am sure it’s a religious song, but to me, it’s a beautiful song of submission**

  

Up On The Mountain

i went up to the mountain
Because You asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
i could see all around me
Everywhere
i could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes i feel like
i’ve never been nothing but tired
And i’ll be working
Till the day i expire
See sometimes i lay down
But no more can i do
But then i go on again
Because You asked me to

Some days i look down
Afraid, afraid i will fall
And though the sun shines
i see nothing at all
But i hear your sweet voice
Come and then go
Come and then go
Your telling me softly
You love me so