Archive for August, 2010

subdrop?

Posted in Uncategorized on August 19, 2010 by fukpuppet

i am in an odd place at the moment, my bruises have faded from the NYC trip, and i miss them, i want them back. The pain was oxygen to my soul, i do not understand my need or want nor the high i get from enduring such for someone. He was brutal, He was calm, He was pleased. my tears stained with mascarra flowed like the wine at dinner, but He caught every one of them, as quickly has He caused them, He in turn made them disappear.

i feared i wasn’t strong enough for His taste, i mean i wanted to please Him to my best ability, but the “what ifs” did find my mind. i am sure He has experienced better pain sluts then i. What if all i could handle wasn’t even an appetizer for Him?

He prepared the most wonderful dinner, He even allowed me to come over early to assist Him in the kitchen. (i was thrilled by this, i was one über happy girl) He made me a drink, and we chatted a bit, then He started giving me small tasks to do. My breasts were still tender from the first time i got to kneel before Him. The tenderness made me smile, i seriously have spent the last year of my life wondering if all i dreamt would taste as sweet as it did in my head. Turns out i was more than wrong. The reality was far more flavorful than i imagined.

After dinner, puppy and W left, i ended up spending the night with Master Chef. i do wish i could tell you all that happened, but it is a big thick fog, i just know it was one of the greatest nights of my life. i was finally me. He had His way with my body, the slapping, the flogging, the clover clamps, the tears that fell, the explosive flooding orgasms i got to experience, and the beautiful marks i got to take with me. i was never scared of Him hurting me.  i even expressed to Him once, “i know You would never hurt me” His response, “No, but I will cause you such exquisite pain”….and He did just that.

So, what now? my bruises have faded, and i want them back! So, i am not sure i am experiencing some form of subdrop, one thing about Master Chef, His aftercare is amazing, He doesn’t like anything broken, He broke me down and put me back together, which i felt like i was new and improved afterwards. So, i am at a loss on why i feel so sad to see those bruises fade.

😦

A submissives point of view…

Posted in submission, Uncategorized on August 9, 2010 by fukpuppet

* i have always felt submissive, and thought i was once owned, but actually looking back, it was just kink, i ran that relationship…although i have never really felt owned, i do absolutely love submitting to One….”

i will admit i was a nervous wreck meeting “S”, He scares me, He always has, so  knowing it would be mere minutes before actually meeting Him face to face, scared the shit out of me.

i waited in the hotel bar, like He requested, i ordered a vodka sour with a cherry, but apparently the way those are made in NYC isn’t the same way they are made in BFE, i couldn’t drink it, it was gross (i thought about ordering a few shots of tequilla, but tequilla and i do not mesh well together). i sat there playing with my phone, telling myself it was no big deal, i was attempting to mind fuck myself in to just relax and have fun. i mean it was NOT like i was meeting a total stranger, i mean it was “S” for goodness sakes! We have spent hours and hours on the phone, we have exchanged thousands of emails, we knew each other, but something about being in His presence scared me…BAD!

i look up from playing with my phone, and there He was looking across the very dim-lit bar, we made eye contact and both smiled (now my mind is racing, do i hug Him, do i shake His hand, do i just sit here, OMG what do i do). While arguing with myself inside my head, He sat next to me, He ordered a drink, and we began chatting. i soon found myself at ease, i wasn’t worried about my hair, whether or not my lipstick was on, if i had a fat roll hanging out, etc…but the one thing i had trouble with the most, was making eye contact. Why was this so difficult for me? i mean you make eye contact and you can usually read the other persons mood. i however, did not want to know, i fear His eyes would show regret, i know call me silly, because we are friends, and nothing will change that, i knew that in my heart of hearts, but yet i still could NOT look Him in the eyes.

 He even said, “you know, you can look at Me in face, eye contact isn’t restricted.” (crap! Was i unknowingly already submitting?) We chatted while He finished His drink, then He asked to show me around. We leave the hotel, i texted puppy saying “He is nice, we are leaving the hotel…going walking”. We walked for about an hour or so, it was a beautiful night, we returned to the hotel bar, but it was closing for the night, so i offered Him up to my room.

The hotel had super sonic speed elevators, which was a blessing because for the life of me, i could get a single word to leave my lips. Again, i was a ball of nerves. Thankfully, He is talkative, because i feared once in the room it would just be silence, oh yea readers, i am one shy gal (or at first anyway, then i get comfy and i tend to forget to hush lol )

The room had two beds, we sat down across from each other, on separate beds, we spoke of sights to be seen or not seen, my travel experience for the day and just other random things, i was slowing winning the battle against my nerves. He stood to leave and hugged me, then leaned down like He was going to kiss me, i look up in His eyes and He said, “Kneel for Me”, i am not sure if i spoke or just knelt, He began allowing me to kiss Him, it felt amazing. i have never knelt for anyone before, i was full of butterflies, and i was beginning to feel my heart begin to beat.

After several moments of kissing, He ordered me to remove my top and bra, i slipped them off, and looked down, He began to caress them and inspect them, He spoke and said “There isn’t even a single mark on them”, He started pinching and twisting my nipples, my body began to shake, my lungs began to fill with oxygen, slowly i was being resurrected.

With my exposed breasts in His warm hands, He rubbed  all over them, softly and sensually, i began to relax, and then something changed. He was now slapping them, one, then the other, over and over and over again. i was truly in heaven, my skin once so starved of feeling, was now being fed gross amounts of pleasure. The pain tasted so sweet, i was on a sugar high, my body still shaking, my breath exscaping me, i began searching for another breath, it was unlike any thing i have felt before. The slaps became harder, i began fighting with my tearducts. i ordered them not to spill over, but i do NOT make a good domme, that or my tearducts are the brattiest of brats. The tears started crawling down my face, He wiped my face and said “Hmmm, are you sure you aren’t faking theese tears?, “No Sir, i was trying to hold them back as long as i could”. He replied, “Why would you deny me what is mine?” i said now sobbing “Because, i don’t want you to stop” He smirked by saying “you do not control when or why I stop, understood?”….”Yes Sir”….

i can not wrap my mind around every word or action that was said or done, i just know i was alive and it felt wonderful, my breasts were red and full of heat, still i wanted more. He denied me more, He said goodbye and left me kneeling…and of course wanting more.

 

The morning after…