subdrop?

Posted in Uncategorized on August 19, 2010 by fukpuppet

i am in an odd place at the moment, my bruises have faded from the NYC trip, and i miss them, i want them back. The pain was oxygen to my soul, i do not understand my need or want nor the high i get from enduring such for someone. He was brutal, He was calm, He was pleased. my tears stained with mascarra flowed like the wine at dinner, but He caught every one of them, as quickly has He caused them, He in turn made them disappear.

i feared i wasn’t strong enough for His taste, i mean i wanted to please Him to my best ability, but the “what ifs” did find my mind. i am sure He has experienced better pain sluts then i. What if all i could handle wasn’t even an appetizer for Him?

He prepared the most wonderful dinner, He even allowed me to come over early to assist Him in the kitchen. (i was thrilled by this, i was one über happy girl) He made me a drink, and we chatted a bit, then He started giving me small tasks to do. My breasts were still tender from the first time i got to kneel before Him. The tenderness made me smile, i seriously have spent the last year of my life wondering if all i dreamt would taste as sweet as it did in my head. Turns out i was more than wrong. The reality was far more flavorful than i imagined.

After dinner, puppy and W left, i ended up spending the night with Master Chef. i do wish i could tell you all that happened, but it is a big thick fog, i just know it was one of the greatest nights of my life. i was finally me. He had His way with my body, the slapping, the flogging, the clover clamps, the tears that fell, the explosive flooding orgasms i got to experience, and the beautiful marks i got to take with me. i was never scared of Him hurting me.  i even expressed to Him once, “i know You would never hurt me” His response, “No, but I will cause you such exquisite pain”….and He did just that.

So, what now? my bruises have faded, and i want them back! So, i am not sure i am experiencing some form of subdrop, one thing about Master Chef, His aftercare is amazing, He doesn’t like anything broken, He broke me down and put me back together, which i felt like i was new and improved afterwards. So, i am at a loss on why i feel so sad to see those bruises fade.

😦

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A submissives point of view…

Posted in submission, Uncategorized on August 9, 2010 by fukpuppet

* i have always felt submissive, and thought i was once owned, but actually looking back, it was just kink, i ran that relationship…although i have never really felt owned, i do absolutely love submitting to One….”

i will admit i was a nervous wreck meeting “S”, He scares me, He always has, so  knowing it would be mere minutes before actually meeting Him face to face, scared the shit out of me.

i waited in the hotel bar, like He requested, i ordered a vodka sour with a cherry, but apparently the way those are made in NYC isn’t the same way they are made in BFE, i couldn’t drink it, it was gross (i thought about ordering a few shots of tequilla, but tequilla and i do not mesh well together). i sat there playing with my phone, telling myself it was no big deal, i was attempting to mind fuck myself in to just relax and have fun. i mean it was NOT like i was meeting a total stranger, i mean it was “S” for goodness sakes! We have spent hours and hours on the phone, we have exchanged thousands of emails, we knew each other, but something about being in His presence scared me…BAD!

i look up from playing with my phone, and there He was looking across the very dim-lit bar, we made eye contact and both smiled (now my mind is racing, do i hug Him, do i shake His hand, do i just sit here, OMG what do i do). While arguing with myself inside my head, He sat next to me, He ordered a drink, and we began chatting. i soon found myself at ease, i wasn’t worried about my hair, whether or not my lipstick was on, if i had a fat roll hanging out, etc…but the one thing i had trouble with the most, was making eye contact. Why was this so difficult for me? i mean you make eye contact and you can usually read the other persons mood. i however, did not want to know, i fear His eyes would show regret, i know call me silly, because we are friends, and nothing will change that, i knew that in my heart of hearts, but yet i still could NOT look Him in the eyes.

 He even said, “you know, you can look at Me in face, eye contact isn’t restricted.” (crap! Was i unknowingly already submitting?) We chatted while He finished His drink, then He asked to show me around. We leave the hotel, i texted puppy saying “He is nice, we are leaving the hotel…going walking”. We walked for about an hour or so, it was a beautiful night, we returned to the hotel bar, but it was closing for the night, so i offered Him up to my room.

The hotel had super sonic speed elevators, which was a blessing because for the life of me, i could get a single word to leave my lips. Again, i was a ball of nerves. Thankfully, He is talkative, because i feared once in the room it would just be silence, oh yea readers, i am one shy gal (or at first anyway, then i get comfy and i tend to forget to hush lol )

The room had two beds, we sat down across from each other, on separate beds, we spoke of sights to be seen or not seen, my travel experience for the day and just other random things, i was slowing winning the battle against my nerves. He stood to leave and hugged me, then leaned down like He was going to kiss me, i look up in His eyes and He said, “Kneel for Me”, i am not sure if i spoke or just knelt, He began allowing me to kiss Him, it felt amazing. i have never knelt for anyone before, i was full of butterflies, and i was beginning to feel my heart begin to beat.

After several moments of kissing, He ordered me to remove my top and bra, i slipped them off, and looked down, He began to caress them and inspect them, He spoke and said “There isn’t even a single mark on them”, He started pinching and twisting my nipples, my body began to shake, my lungs began to fill with oxygen, slowly i was being resurrected.

With my exposed breasts in His warm hands, He rubbed  all over them, softly and sensually, i began to relax, and then something changed. He was now slapping them, one, then the other, over and over and over again. i was truly in heaven, my skin once so starved of feeling, was now being fed gross amounts of pleasure. The pain tasted so sweet, i was on a sugar high, my body still shaking, my breath exscaping me, i began searching for another breath, it was unlike any thing i have felt before. The slaps became harder, i began fighting with my tearducts. i ordered them not to spill over, but i do NOT make a good domme, that or my tearducts are the brattiest of brats. The tears started crawling down my face, He wiped my face and said “Hmmm, are you sure you aren’t faking theese tears?, “No Sir, i was trying to hold them back as long as i could”. He replied, “Why would you deny me what is mine?” i said now sobbing “Because, i don’t want you to stop” He smirked by saying “you do not control when or why I stop, understood?”….”Yes Sir”….

i can not wrap my mind around every word or action that was said or done, i just know i was alive and it felt wonderful, my breasts were red and full of heat, still i wanted more. He denied me more, He said goodbye and left me kneeling…and of course wanting more.

 

The morning after…

i’m So Excited….i just can’t hide it…

Posted in Uncategorized on July 26, 2010 by fukpuppet

*slips in….looks around….*

Holy crap Batman…it’s been a  while ….i need to knock some cobwebs down in here. 🙂

Well folks, i have been busy as a beaver (but my beaver hasn’t been busy at all….i can’t get no…satissssfaction….) i have moved in my absence from this lil blog, i have been working, and i have been on a self-induced pity party from hell. Now i am back …back in black….so i am taking down the banners that announced, i was partying like it was 1999!!!…next time it will be pity party…party of one. 🙂

 puppy and i are off to NYC next week…oh the fun, the excitement, the orgasms in store or denied to her!!! 🙂

So, i finally get to meet “S”…im excited about that as well, so the mind fuck is in full swing, will we hit it off? What will happen if we feel that connection? He is a sadist (shivers) but He is a great person. What if i bore Him to death? What if i just come across as a country bumpkin and not the (cunt)ry girl i am hoping for?? Well,  i have a plan b with Him. Want to hear it?  Well, i am thinking about wearing some mascarra that isn’t waterproof and inviting Him to watch Terms of Endearment….*giggles* (sorry i tend to tickle myself) Can you say foreplay??? Oh wait….or is that topping from the bottom? Okay, obviously my plan needs some work! 😉

So, puppy came to visit, we are both a ball of nervous sluts, she is dripping at the thought of her time with W…since we had much to talk about, we ventured away from our kiddos and went to a sports bar and grill for a late supper and a drink, (i had several….she had one) We laughed, and talked. We laughed and teased. We laughed and oh my did we laugh!!!…did i mention we LAUGHED?? Some guy bought us a round of drinks, neither of us knew how to thank some stranger for a drink that we really didn’t want, we weren’t there to pick up guys, we were there to be us, something we can not do in the presense of our kids. So, she asked W, i asked Mr. S (one of the most dearest of Doms, whom allows my silly questions and answers them well LOL) so with the advice of two wise men, we smiled at the man and had the waitress thank him for us. Oh my…i love me some puppy time!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

my gurlz and Puppy

So have a great week people…and look out NYC…here we cum! 🙂

*oh i am a dork…and i hope at some point i had you singing a tune in your head*

Desert of Desire…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 28, 2010 by fukpuppet

With all my soul-searching, i have answered a lot of my own questions about myself, which amazes me. Knowing it all along, but it did not slap me in the face until i sought it out. The backlash of this soul-searching and personal growth, is the desire. Now i have always had desire, this isn’t a brand new emotion for me, but the  desire i now feel is deeper, and more difficult to calm or sustain. So how does one gag the growling sounds of  hunger, how does one suppress that sort of appetite, how does one feed it when they are alone and without, it’s like i am stranded in the Desert of Desire.

How do i feed this hunger? The hunger grows, at times i can convince myself that it has calmed and i am able to think straight for a while, than out of nowhere its back with a vengeance and deeper then the previous hunger i had. So, did it subside or did i just used to it? i tend to be my worse enemy, i think way to much. i fear that i maybe this is all just an illusion. The “what ifs” take over. So the “what if” that hit me this weekend was…What if i am not a submissive? NO! i am not saying i am or wish to be the dominate in the relationship…but what if, the reason i have not found someone who wants to own me is because i am truly not what i think i am?

i no longer masturbate to go to sleep, the truth be told i can not orgasm without being told. It frustrates the life out of me, i have never, EVER had a problem with that before. i have tried putting on the nipple clamps, but for some reason its a pain i can not tolerate. Where did the pain slut go? i just don’t know anymore….what has happened to me?

Has my spark faded? The one that lead me to want to please someone. Was it some crazy dream i had? Or, have i finally lost my mind?

Song of Submission…?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2010 by fukpuppet

**this  song has been covered by several people, i like Kelly Clarkson’s cover of it the best. i am sure it’s a religious song, but to me, it’s a beautiful song of submission**

  

Up On The Mountain

i went up to the mountain
Because You asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
i could see all around me
Everywhere
i could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes i feel like
i’ve never been nothing but tired
And i’ll be working
Till the day i expire
See sometimes i lay down
But no more can i do
But then i go on again
Because You asked me to

Some days i look down
Afraid, afraid i will fall
And though the sun shines
i see nothing at all
But i hear your sweet voice
Come and then go
Come and then go
Your telling me softly
You love me so

 

Swirling Thoughts….

Posted in Uncategorized on May 31, 2010 by fukpuppet

**first off ….my apologies for not writing from fantasy land in quite some time but i do hope this post helps to feed the hunger,  if that hunger is what brought you back  to the puppet Show….**

His requests were simple, “All you have to do is please Me”….”Which is it not that thing that truly turns you on? Correct? Is it not, what you live for? The simplicity of pleasing Me? Which in a twisted way you receive oxygen that keeps you vital. I greatly desire to give you life, give you the validation that you desperately seek. So again, I will reiterate, all you have to do is please Me.” His words flowed, He didn’t stop to think about the next word, His tongue was silver, His words pure silk to my ears. As i listened in awe, He told me to check my email in the morning, then He ended our phone conversation.

What a mindfuck, i don’t handle those well at all, you expect me to sleep after knowing i will have an email waiting…pure evil. 🙂

i suffered through the tricks my mind played, and somehow found sleep regardless. i woke and jumped out of bed to check my email, reading His words forced my mindfuck setting from subtle to FFB(full fucking blast). His words literally in black and white….

“Tonight at 6:30pm you are to be at My hotel room, you will knock on the door then you will don a blindfold, as much as My opening the door to find you kneeling in the hallway is a great thought, I am okay with opening the door to find you standing. you will be wearing a button up blouse, bra of your choice, short skirt and heels (will not require a heel length this time but I am sure you will want to please me when you pick out the pair to wear) as you can see I have chosen to give you options, you have choices as to what color palette you wish to wear, the only thing you do not have a say about today is the blindfold… oh and yes little one i am well aware how scary meeting each other the first time will be. The blindfold will help with this, even if at the moment you think it will not. I will see you at 6:30 pm.”

my mind screamed OMG!OMG!OMG!OMFG!!!! the rest is a blur…..

So i look down at myself in the elevator….hmmm white button up blouse, black bra, short black skirt and some 2″  black heels and a black blindfold rolled up in my palm. my mind was racing like mad, what was i doing here? Am i seriously do this? Have i lost my ever loving mind? Why is my cunt a slippery hot mess right now? The *ding* of the elevator door opening made me look up, the ride was faster then i thought it was going to be, so with wobbling knees i stepped off the elevator and slowly walked thru the corridor and found His room. i stood there for a moment, how hard should i knock? What? i took a deep breath and tried to block all the mindfucking i was causing on my own, and knocked twice…i placed the blindfold on my head as instructed. How long will i have to stand here and wait? i was a bit dizzy, i was way out of my comfort zone, then i hear the turn of the knob, His voice found my ears….heaven, it was a calm before the storm…

His hand found mine, He pulled me in to His embrace, His words quietly spoken but captured me with intensity “Do you know how pleased I am? I knew you would please Me” i thanked Him, my voice was broken from nervousness, after the embrace He led me into the room and i heard the door close behind me. i wanted to take the blindfold off, i wanted to look into His eyes, i could feel them on me, i just wanted a peek…

He sat on the corner of the bed, asked me to stand with my legs apart, His hands found my legs, His hand were soft and warm, the further he moved them up my thigh the more difficult is was to just simply breathe. He gently touched my cunt, which was hot and slick, my residue now on His palm. i blushed at the thought of being so wet in such a short amount of time, while i blushed He pulled my skirt up over my hips, exposing me now. my first intent was to cover my self, as i quickly placed my hands down in front, i heard Him stand and began to remove His belt, the jingle sound His buckle made as it was undone. i returned my hands to my side, He said “It is too late for that” He placed His hand on the small of my back and lead me to the wall, He told me to place my hands against the wall palms down, arch my back and keep my feet apart. i wanted to cry before His belt ever made contact, i was so angry at myself, i wasn’t there five minutes and already screwed up.

Seven swats later, my ass was as crimsom and as warm as my face. After a lecture and my apology He left me there, exposed and glowing red. He began asking me questions, questions that made it uncomfortable to talk about…like the weather….what was the last book i read…the next book i want to read etc…He asked if i found His questions silly, with fear i said “sort of Sir” He then asked if His questions were more silly then my trying to cover up something that belongs to Him….ummmm yea point taken (but hello i am in a blindfold)….

i could feel Him walk up behind me, He rubbed the red areas on my ass, it was gentle, but i was beginning to brew, it is hard letting go at first i think, your mind is racing, but you don’t care to listen to it. you soul leads you on past the what ifs…i began to sway some with His rythmic hands, He slid His hand back down finding my now dripping cunt, His finger circling my attention starved clit, the moans trickled up my throat, His mouth was kissing my neck, the words that slithered off His tongue in to my ears were erotic and in moments i was begging to cum….

The words “cum for Me, My little slut” was all it took, He pressed me up against the wall, as the orgasm took over, i gushed down both legs right in to the heels i was wearing….He held me there tightly for several moments, all the while talking about how He was pleased. He pulled my skirt down and fixed my blouse, He led me to the door and opened it….kissed me softly on the lips and ordered me to meet Him in the resturant down stairs, and said that after dinner we would return here for dessert. He turned me around, and said ” I will see you in 15 minutes, you may remove the blindfold now” as i removed the blindfold and turned around….the door closed shut….

Need…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 by fukpuppet

i need the mind fuck….

i need the clusterfuck to belong to someone other than me…

i need to feel…

i need the soft warmth of his lips on my cheek…

i need the direction in my gait that He provides while resting His hand on the small of my back as we walk…

i need to feel His wrath….

i need to please Him…

i need the pain…

i need the pain that feeds my soul…

i need the pain that brings Him to life…

i need His voice in my ears…

i need His tongue encased in the word slut…

i need to hear the word slut slithering off His tongue…

i need to feed Him…

i need to feed His sadistic desires…

i need to hear the grunt He expels when He releases…

i need to be good…

i need to be a good girl…

i need to please Him…

i need Him…

i need to know my place…

i need to serve…

i need to kneel…

i need to become who i already am, but am nothing without Him…

i need His needs to replace mine…

i need to feel validated…

i need structure…

i need discipline…

i need punishment…

i need to fill this void…

i need to be free…

i need Him…